Tuesday, August 25, 2009

I have made many excuses to myself, but none are interesting or amusing enough to share.

I haven't blogged in what seems like forever. I don't really have a good reason for this. I have made many excuses to myself, but none are interesting or amusing enough to share.

Now my first baby is getting ready to head to kindergarten. I am sure he will do fantastic. As far as how I will do...that remains to be seen. I will likely end up writing more about this in the future.

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In one of my all-time favorite movies, Parenthood, there is a memorable scene which goes as follows:

[Gil has been complaining about his complicated life; Grandma wanders into the room]
Grandma: You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster.
Gil: Oh?
Grandma: Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride!
Gil: What a great story.
Grandma: I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.
Karen: She´s a very smart lady.
Gil: (said sarcastically) A minute ago l was confused about life. Then Grandma came in with her wonderful and effecting roller coaster story. Now everything is great again.
Karen: l happen to like the roller coaster, okay? As far as l´m concerned, your grandmother is brilliant.


The roller coaster, of course, is a symbol for parenthood and life. I have come to expect this sort of turbulence from parenthood. My friends with older children tell me the craziest is yet to come. I can live with this. It's unbelievably rewarding. As an older parent, I even feel a bit more equipped than the generation before mine. (When my mom was my age, I was a senior in college!) I adore parenting, and marvel at what my children have added to my life.

As far as the rest of my life goes, I am not so sure how I feel about this analogy lately. Merry go rounds do make me dizzy and somewhat ill, but now that I am getting older, I am not sure I quite prefer the roller coaster anymore either. Is there something in between? What about a nice, long, horseback ride? The horse is spirited and sometimes hard to predict. S/he goes at different speeds throughout. The thing is, the horse does not spin so fast or take such steep drops that I want to lose my lunch. I'm sure if I think about this more I can come up with a better metaphor, but this conveys the basic concept.

I have been slowly but surely trying to simplify my life. I want the activities, people, and events I am involved with to enrich me and not detract from my goals or happiness. I have to share that this process can sometimes be lengthy, painful, and difficult. Because it is a process, I am not really "there" yet. Since I always consider myself a work in progress, I may never be. A few of my long-distance friends have mentioned on Facebook (another time-suck I am trying to minimize in my life) that I have seemed "deep" lately. I guess I have been pretty introspective for at least the fast few months. I am extremely fortunate to have an amazing husband and family, so pulling away from other parts of my life has served to draw me closer to what's most important. I do know what the most important things in my life are, yet I am still surprised to find myself reassessing the rest. I thought I would have more of this figured out at this stage of my life. Perhaps I have figured some of it out, and taking action has been the difficult part.

Well, enough navel-gazing for now. I now return you to my blog, which I hope to update more often. At least if I determine it's important enough to do so. ;)

1 comment:

Jess said...

I too have been re-assessing my life lately, and have found a need for an overhaul (partly why I so readily agreed to move). However, I feel a sense of deja-vu in that I seem to "need" an overhaul about every 7 years or so. I've stopped describing myself as self-destructive and have started describing myself as generally bored.

I look forward to hearing about the results of your introspection.